Don't love if they don't respect it

Love may be  too beautiful but why always love took us at worst condition I have a lot of problems in my life but no people around me face worst things than me. if love gives you tears so please don't love someone . I just came to know that our first and last love should be ourselves but we forgot the thing when we love someone  while loving that person we feel everything is beautiful but we don't know it is a  Tsunami which will destroy us upto our worst she was crying now she is not able to express anything  to anyone. she begs that person every day  but maybe he never loved her, her  heart has a pain and she got characterless certificate from everyone only because she loved him she became rebel even parents left her.   After  tolerating  this much , he does not love her.He had problems with her  clothes she changed them, don't go or  talk with those people she did not.  She  did the same thing he used to tell but she also used it to call him, leave all self-respect aside. He said call me this time she did the same after obeying him completely he is telling her that he does not love her. it is not her mistake but she is  still crying I hide my phone from every eye when someday they  don't talk   she used to cry in front of everyone her  parents fear perhaps we did something wrong then they try everything to make her  happy what should she  says to them, a boy who does not love her she is crying for that person she was single daughter of her  father he brought everything for her  but the  handbag given by him ,she is   showing to  every friend. She was saying i  have alot of pain in my heart I asked for reason she did not respond she want to mention her hero's fame infront of me. I am not blind I know her I can't see her crying. I  can feel her pain and what  she  kept  inside her heart. she is  smiling in front of everyone now no one can say she had any  problems in her life.  I asked her what is the reason she is crying she stopped and started talking like nothing happened but  her eyes were wet but she gave smile at me. That smile is till killing me inside.

if after one Joy I have to face this much pain so thank you but I will never love. 

Please its my humble request to all of you never get into this stupid love  track

Without you "My friend"

It's been a long time without you my friend

I will tell you about this when we will meet again.we all come too far from the day where we began .why we left each other so soon.why we need to get away from each other.i know you are busy with your life.but why you left me when I need you the most.i don't know why I had to tell you that I need you the most.i want to say you that I am at my worst , sharing my all pain joy happiness with you.i know you have better people than me in your life..I know it will hurt you but go, go away but give me your all strength but help you to get away from me ..I am missing you so much but still I have to keep going but listen I will be waiting for you till the day you will be available for me..let God show his mercy and make you remember all memories and the time spend with each other and finally take you back to me .I want one day of your life to live my all memories again.

I don't know why we all forget those people who were part of our happiness, sadness, crazy moments .Time should come when we all should get together with those  whom we lost touch by mistake. You reach on sky's and if somehow we had  lost our connection, always remember there is still someone who is waving hands from the ground. I know I am not respond for your success but I never think wrong about you. The time spend with you good or bad I will remember whole  my life. 

My all pain gave me a chance to sleep again and let me live again...

Started before 5 year's. In 10th when it was the time to get ready for exam,I felt ill for one month. Whole month I was ill sometimes low fever and sometimes high fever. After trying every medicine but still I was not becoming well,but I can't be at home for more time so I  tried my way. I drank cold water and I become well. Now back to studies as I was below average student so my high speed was other's warm up. Pressure of getting pass build up like a mountain on my head. I tried alot and qualified my exam but  when no one trust you,it becomes too hard to handle. At the time of result there was no sleep at all. I always thought it will be because of result. My headache took place, now a small amount of stress made me cry. I qualified my exam. Now I thought I will be alright , I will be able to sleep but no it didn't happen but actually now it grew up more. I started losing and gaining  weight. It varies like hell sometimes too much weight and sometimes too low. Sometimes I felt too cold in summer and sometimes it seems like my body is burning in winter. I was tolorating my headache but it was like flood which anytime can cross all boundaries. Now even a small  thing started affecting me. If someone increase their tone, tears come into my eyes. It was too hard to handle. Sometimes I thought I should jump outside window but then I used to think no it will only break my bones. Then I used to come down from the window, eating 2-3 sleeping pills at a time but still their was no sleep. Whole night open eyes like a owl and in morning sleep like a donkey.  Whole night tears falling on my pillow make my pillow wet. Every day thinking to run away from home but where will I go. There was no one to whom I can go. Making friends was not possible for me , their were some but rather they need my help or they have some more important person then me in their life. My heart  was crying I always wanted to share it with someone but maybe everyone was busy. Now every day sleep with wet eyes and get up with fake smile which was killing me. Sitting with family was of no use. They talk anything,I was not able to listen so I was called "inactive". I try many a times to become well but it was not happening. I started get up in mid of the night's, go to separate room and cry, cry and cry. Only one thing I was asking why I getting effect,why can't I  let go things. Sometimes I used to sleep like I took some drugs because of which I become unconscious. This behaviour of mine effect me alot. I thought maybe I become mad. I want to hug someone. Family was afraid about me and my headache because it was increasing with time. I started crying like someone had dead infront of me. They took me to peers, doctors but nothing helped me. Then they said it happened because I didn't believe on their peers. I tried everything so that I can sleep but nothing happened. I tried to work too much because I thought more work will give me some sleep. When work didn't help then I become useless. I didn't work at all. Sometimes it seems like my every bone is broken. I try alot but pain didn't vanish. I have a problem when people stop caring, I stop expressing. Now if I have too much headache still I will not share. I got a friend who was ready to listen to my problems but my  family cursed that person and made my life more hell. Till that day I had trouble but now I am living with regret . This person taught me many things like bath when you have tension but it didn't help, sleep when you are sad but their was no sleep,read and write it will help you express. Yes it somehow helped me. When I read, I am fine as I stop reading all my pain, problem's appear again. I started social media but it become my enemy everywhere. If I try to talk to someone they directly or indirectly start asking,Are you a girl? Do you have a boyfriend?,can I get your number? Can I hear your voice?. It was like fuck such  people. Do I have less problems and now they started one more. I don't afraid from  death even I feel hell will be more peaceful then this world. But God dont listen to me. I don't afraid from suicide just I don't want to make my family head more down because of me. I am finding a simple way by which no one think I did suicide that will help me and my family too. While thinking about river, cutting hand, jump from window all make my family head down but getting some road accident or drinking poison which will show my death' real. I tried love, always when I become sad this much that I can't handle then I went to my love but her hand away from my head bring the pain back even now she doesn't want to see my face. If I will not change, then she will not let me enter her funeral. I sometimes went into my paradise room and I don't want to leave that  room. I want to stay inside that room  forever. Their I forget every pain of mine even sometimes I decide today I will cry into that room but something really peaceful is present their which don't let me cry. But I had to leave that paradise room only for its honour.i left it . I wish my all pain gave me a chance to sleep again and let me live again...